One of the toughest places to show up can be at a funeral home. You know there is nothing you can say that will make it better, yet you also know that simply being there is the gift, however uncomfortable it might be. But that's just it, showing up at a funeral home, at a book club, at coffee - we can't know just how that presence lands with anyone else. Sometimes we think it was wasted time, and months later someone tells you there was a thing you said that day that changed their perspective, and it's really helped. Or no one ever says anything, so you never know. You threw out a pebble with your presence. The ripples are there, even if you never know who they ultimately touch.
Good on you, Barbara! I would rather stay in my house on my mountain, and avoid going out whenever possible. Yoga once a week, and I have to convince myself to get dressed and go. Book club once a month. I even get my groceries delivered. Why drive 15 miles each way when someone will bring them to the door? I need to do better. The Hubster's the one who's out and about. I'm going to Left Coast Crime in February and will have to remember how to be social.
I know! Why do it? When it’s so much easier not to, especially when the weather is not great or there is snow on the roads or….a million things. And yet, when I do it, I feel such a lift. Enjoy the conference.
I feel seen. My MIL died this year, and her funeral consisted of a few family members and a few people she'd worked with. She'd isolated herself so much in her final years that the people who had been there had all gone before. With my move away from Idaho, my circle is getting smaller, now that I'm not working a day job, even smaller. I have a friend who I drive to see once every other month. I have digital friends. I've joined the library board for my county, and we have a small mountain community group, but I need to be inconvenienced more. :)
Oh, Barbara, what an insightful, thoughtful piece. It moved me, partially because yes, community is inconvenient, at least it is to me (ha!), and sometimes, well, ugh! Maybe that's because I'm an incredible introvert these days. But it is important, both local community and those gatherings at a distance. I participate in practices at two zendos by Zoom, and try hard to make it every month to the Louisville (KY) gathering of LBTQ (women only) folk. In my town it's mostly helping out when I hear of someone who is in need, but I don't go to many in-person gatherings. But that's okay. The drawing together, however it is accomplished, is what is important. And it is all valuable, to me and to others.
Yes--showing up matters, however and wherever/whenever it is accomplished.
I have only been living here in Anchorage Alaska for a year and a half and I’m trying to build community. I am so emotionally tapped out by my job as a physician and caregiver that it is hard to show up and leave the house when I’m not working. I have found community at orange theory which I absolutely love. Once my work schedule goes down to 3/4 time next year I plan on investing more in getting out and about. Even as an introvert, I still get charged with a one on one visit with a friend. I don’t need to go to a party! lol.
Orange Theory is a great 3rd space, and connected so deeply to the athlete you are. I’m sure you’ll find other connections, too. Like you, I don’t need big groups, but that one-on-one is nourishing and enjoyable.
Like you my family only socialized with relatives which is harder and harder every year as I know live in another country. I found it easy to make friends and stay busy when my kids were younger but lately my life has become very isolated. I video chat with a handful of friends once a month and other than hanging out with my son and daughter-in-law we really don't go out much.
I love the idea of starting a bookclub on my block like you did. Or maybe going to a yoga class once a week. Something to get out of the house but I do fall into the excuses of it's too cold, too late, I'm too comfortable at home...and I'll have to talk to strangers if I leave.
I have already decided that in 2026 I'm going to do something new and outside of my house! WIsh me luck. :)
The book club has been a delight. I’m also reading things I’d never choose, and that’s really good for me. Also, readers don’t necessarily read the way writers do! Who knew? What about art classes? I joined a collage group, and really the average age is about 75, but I enjoy it a lot.
Thank you. I too am easily reclusive. This was a huge reminder to show up even when its so much easier to resist. My tried and true excuses just got a wake up call. I needed that. ❤️
I'm more active in the community as a whole than my parents. My mother was very church-based in her activities. I am definitely secular in mine. And every time I dread attending something (or like last night ending up leading something when folk no show) I end up getting so much (joy, information, companionship) out of it!
And hey, y'all should read my new book in your bookclub if you like cozy magical contemporary romance ... LOL
My grandmother did a lot of church things and we did some of that when I was a certain age—potlucks and the church youth groups. I did a lot a church, now that I think about it. Not sure my parents did, however.
As it happens, this group likes cozy magical things. I’ll add you to the possibles list.
I’m working on my year end review, new year intentions this week. 2025 was a stellar year for me. But with all I accomplished, what brought the most smiles was reliving those “people-ing” moments I recorded in my journal. Doing those things is going to be an even higher priority in this new year.
Congrats on the stellar year. And I love the year-end review. I’ve been doing some of that, too, and I did mainly one thing this year: swam in the waters of a book. It was deep and satisfying.
Wonderful! I have "holed up" for quite a few years now for reasons (or excuses) I won't go into. This year was the beginning of big changes in my life at the age of 73, and I decided that I would start "showing up" for life. I make regular dates with girlfriends. I dress up a little more when I go to the grocery store. I've joined the gym. You are right. Community is hard. I, too, came from a family that entertained relatives well, but that was about it. So, it is a stretch, but it's worth it.
Love this, Beth. You’re emerging from your cocoon. I have noticed that just looking a bit nicer to run errands makes me more sociable, even with the checker at the grocery store. A little chit chat is the lubricant of life.
I love this confession. I’ve never admitted out loud how community is inconvenient. I just grumbled about how it interfered with my writing, took from the rest my recovering introvert needed. But like you said, you gotta show up. Thanks for inspiring me to do just that!
I know! I laughed out loud when she said it. Of course it’s inconvenient. Most worth things are when it comes to other humans, right? I hope you’ll enjoy exploring, even as an introvert.
One of the toughest places to show up can be at a funeral home. You know there is nothing you can say that will make it better, yet you also know that simply being there is the gift, however uncomfortable it might be. But that's just it, showing up at a funeral home, at a book club, at coffee - we can't know just how that presence lands with anyone else. Sometimes we think it was wasted time, and months later someone tells you there was a thing you said that day that changed their perspective, and it's really helped. Or no one ever says anything, so you never know. You threw out a pebble with your presence. The ripples are there, even if you never know who they ultimately touch.
Oh, yes, Doc, a great example. That really is hard, but so very important. Thank you.
Good on you, Barbara! I would rather stay in my house on my mountain, and avoid going out whenever possible. Yoga once a week, and I have to convince myself to get dressed and go. Book club once a month. I even get my groceries delivered. Why drive 15 miles each way when someone will bring them to the door? I need to do better. The Hubster's the one who's out and about. I'm going to Left Coast Crime in February and will have to remember how to be social.
I know! Why do it? When it’s so much easier not to, especially when the weather is not great or there is snow on the roads or….a million things. And yet, when I do it, I feel such a lift. Enjoy the conference.
Thanks -- I need to recharge my "authorness"
I feel seen. My MIL died this year, and her funeral consisted of a few family members and a few people she'd worked with. She'd isolated herself so much in her final years that the people who had been there had all gone before. With my move away from Idaho, my circle is getting smaller, now that I'm not working a day job, even smaller. I have a friend who I drive to see once every other month. I have digital friends. I've joined the library board for my county, and we have a small mountain community group, but I need to be inconvenienced more. :)
I hope you can find some interesting inconveniences, Lynn. The library board was a great idea.
Oh, Barbara, what an insightful, thoughtful piece. It moved me, partially because yes, community is inconvenient, at least it is to me (ha!), and sometimes, well, ugh! Maybe that's because I'm an incredible introvert these days. But it is important, both local community and those gatherings at a distance. I participate in practices at two zendos by Zoom, and try hard to make it every month to the Louisville (KY) gathering of LBTQ (women only) folk. In my town it's mostly helping out when I hear of someone who is in need, but I don't go to many in-person gatherings. But that's okay. The drawing together, however it is accomplished, is what is important. And it is all valuable, to me and to others.
Yes--showing up matters, however and wherever/whenever it is accomplished.
I have only been living here in Anchorage Alaska for a year and a half and I’m trying to build community. I am so emotionally tapped out by my job as a physician and caregiver that it is hard to show up and leave the house when I’m not working. I have found community at orange theory which I absolutely love. Once my work schedule goes down to 3/4 time next year I plan on investing more in getting out and about. Even as an introvert, I still get charged with a one on one visit with a friend. I don’t need to go to a party! lol.
Orange Theory is a great 3rd space, and connected so deeply to the athlete you are. I’m sure you’ll find other connections, too. Like you, I don’t need big groups, but that one-on-one is nourishing and enjoyable.
Like you my family only socialized with relatives which is harder and harder every year as I know live in another country. I found it easy to make friends and stay busy when my kids were younger but lately my life has become very isolated. I video chat with a handful of friends once a month and other than hanging out with my son and daughter-in-law we really don't go out much.
I love the idea of starting a bookclub on my block like you did. Or maybe going to a yoga class once a week. Something to get out of the house but I do fall into the excuses of it's too cold, too late, I'm too comfortable at home...and I'll have to talk to strangers if I leave.
I have already decided that in 2026 I'm going to do something new and outside of my house! WIsh me luck. :)
The book club has been a delight. I’m also reading things I’d never choose, and that’s really good for me. Also, readers don’t necessarily read the way writers do! Who knew? What about art classes? I joined a collage group, and really the average age is about 75, but I enjoy it a lot.
Your book club sounds fun. I love the idea of art classes. Thanks for the suggestion.
Thank you. I too am easily reclusive. This was a huge reminder to show up even when its so much easier to resist. My tried and true excuses just got a wake up call. I needed that. ❤️
I hope it leads to an enjoyable something.
I'm more active in the community as a whole than my parents. My mother was very church-based in her activities. I am definitely secular in mine. And every time I dread attending something (or like last night ending up leading something when folk no show) I end up getting so much (joy, information, companionship) out of it!
And hey, y'all should read my new book in your bookclub if you like cozy magical contemporary romance ... LOL
My grandmother did a lot of church things and we did some of that when I was a certain age—potlucks and the church youth groups. I did a lot a church, now that I think about it. Not sure my parents did, however.
As it happens, this group likes cozy magical things. I’ll add you to the possibles list.
I would be honored!
What a lovely message at this time of year!
It is valuable. It sounds like you have a rich calendar of connection.
I’m working on my year end review, new year intentions this week. 2025 was a stellar year for me. But with all I accomplished, what brought the most smiles was reliving those “people-ing” moments I recorded in my journal. Doing those things is going to be an even higher priority in this new year.
Congrats on the stellar year. And I love the year-end review. I’ve been doing some of that, too, and I did mainly one thing this year: swam in the waters of a book. It was deep and satisfying.
As was “Last Letters of Rachel Ellsworth.” I read it a few weeks ago. 😁
Thank you, Pam. I swam differently in that book, and loved it, too. Year by year, book by book. That’s also how I show up.
Wonderful! I have "holed up" for quite a few years now for reasons (or excuses) I won't go into. This year was the beginning of big changes in my life at the age of 73, and I decided that I would start "showing up" for life. I make regular dates with girlfriends. I dress up a little more when I go to the grocery store. I've joined the gym. You are right. Community is hard. I, too, came from a family that entertained relatives well, but that was about it. So, it is a stretch, but it's worth it.
Love this, Beth. You’re emerging from your cocoon. I have noticed that just looking a bit nicer to run errands makes me more sociable, even with the checker at the grocery store. A little chit chat is the lubricant of life.
I love this confession. I’ve never admitted out loud how community is inconvenient. I just grumbled about how it interfered with my writing, took from the rest my recovering introvert needed. But like you said, you gotta show up. Thanks for inspiring me to do just that!
I know! I laughed out loud when she said it. Of course it’s inconvenient. Most worth things are when it comes to other humans, right? I hope you’ll enjoy exploring, even as an introvert.